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I'm a muslim girl born and raised in Miami, FL so you can obviously understand that im not as conservative as my religion wants us to be. I am a liberal person with my own thoughts and beliefs about what i do with my own life, so when restrictions like covering my head everytime i leave my home or making sure that i don't even share the same couch with a man who isn't my father, gets me a little frustrated i'll say. Don't get me wrong, I am completely in love with my religion...but there's nothing easy about it.
I had a good family with my mom, dad, sister, and grandma living in the suburbs of Pembroke Pines. We were "happy" in a seven year olds eyes, untill that seven year old turned 12 and realized that her family wasn't so happy after all. It was seventh grade my dad decided to leave and a year later when the divorce became final. at first, it wasn't too big of a deal because i genuinley had a better relationship with my mother anyway but over time i've learned that without him in my life, the way he should be, there's a part of me thats empty. It's hard because whenever i go to visit my family in Pakistan or i go to Mosque, i have to be this completely different person. Growing up in America is the hardest thing for someone of my religion, and i just can't seem to be the person i want to be, i keep going down the same road of emptiness and wrong. I don't make the right decision ans i haven't been doing the things my religion asks of me. I want to be the best person i can be and i just don't know how. Because you know, sometimes it is hot outside and i want to wear capris, and sometines i do get really attracted to someone, and I'm not allowed to do any of it. Im looking for the happy medium that i can possibly have and be someone i can be proud of....for once.
i hate having regrets, and it feels like thats all my mind is consumed with sometimes.
I had a good family with my mom, dad, sister, and grandma living in the suburbs of Pembroke Pines. We were "happy" in a seven year olds eyes, untill that seven year old turned 12 and realized that her family wasn't so happy after all. It was seventh grade my dad decided to leave and a year later when the divorce became final. at first, it wasn't too big of a deal because i genuinley had a better relationship with my mother anyway but over time i've learned that without him in my life, the way he should be, there's a part of me thats empty. It's hard because whenever i go to visit my family in Pakistan or i go to Mosque, i have to be this completely different person. Growing up in America is the hardest thing for someone of my religion, and i just can't seem to be the person i want to be, i keep going down the same road of emptiness and wrong. I don't make the right decision ans i haven't been doing the things my religion asks of me. I want to be the best person i can be and i just don't know how. Because you know, sometimes it is hot outside and i want to wear capris, and sometines i do get really attracted to someone, and I'm not allowed to do any of it. Im looking for the happy medium that i can possibly have and be someone i can be proud of....for once.
i hate having regrets, and it feels like thats all my mind is consumed with sometimes.
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1 Comment
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Comment by Anca on June 16, 2009 at 8:01pm -
aww i get what you mean
my parents are romanian and they lived an old fashioned life at my age
so old fashion that my grandparents have a farm.
im also not allowed to do things everyone else is and it sucks!
but its just the cultural difference, not you :)
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